Monday, September 21, 2009

when it rains.

every night when i tuck f in, one of the last parts of our routine includes thinking (out loud, for her) about the people we love. while her answers have included "san diego super chargers" and "dogs that like to lick me," she usually lists off family and friends and teachers. and after many more kisses and hugs and snuggles, she settles in to her bed and i lay down on the floor next to her bed while she falls asleep. this, of course, is just one little chapter in what we like to call at our house "the great sleep debacle of '07, '08, & '09", which as i've written before, is another post for another day. what i try to do while i lay on the floor waiting for her breathing to get nice and steady is to think about the people i love too. usually, i just feel grateful for the beauty that lives in our extended family of relatives and friends, and if i know of anyone who is struggling, i try to send them love and good good thoughts. lately, however, my list of people in our lives who are struggling is just getting ridiculous. i have a friend in her late thirties who is completing radiation after getting a double mastectomy and six months of grueling chemotherapy. i have an acquaintance, barely 30, who is in the middle of chemo for ovarian cancer. our sweet neighbor carly is in a coma in a hospital in bakersfield. two coworkers were hospitalized over the weekend - one, who is 35, had a triple bypass this morning, and the other has an infection in his leg that is extremely bad. i have a great friend who is unemployed, a friend who is dealing with infidelity, a friend who just realized she wants a divorce. and these are just the few who are top-of-mind right now.

so. is this just some odd cosmic timing? or does it have to do with getting older? whatever it is, my heart hurts for all my friends who are having a rough one. it feels good to lay there in the dark and send love out to each and every one of them while f is falling asleep, so i do. and then i think about all of our blessings, because hot diggity - of those, there are plenty. our borderline-pornographic homegrown cucumber, for starters.

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