Tuesday, December 21, 2010


i was going to say "you know you're getting older when you'd rather be home in bed than in vegas" but then i thought, is it about getting older, or something else? being a parent? turning into a homebody? becoming boring? sorta kidding with that last one, but it's a worthy option.

i went to vegas last weekend for a good friend's 40th birthday, and while i had a super-radtastic time celebrating with him and a bunch of old friends on saturday night - when i woke up in that hotel room on sunday morning, all i could think about was home. wishing i was home with f & j, more specifically. what is that, about having kids? i mean, there are times when i can't WAIT to get a break, can't wait to get out and go out and tear it up again, and not do the bedtime routine or the wake-up-at-the-crack-of-dawn routine AGAIN. but then i do, and when all is said and done, i just miss my girl, like, a lot, and i can't wait to get back to her again. it's funny.

Friday, December 10, 2010

"no, that is her windpipe closing" and other things you really don't want to hear your pediatrician say.

allergies don't run in either of our families, so j and i were both shocked (and skeptical even?) when around age two, f ate a cashew out of j's hand and within 20 seconds was vomiting, gagging, coughing, and developed hives around her mouth. i mean, the reaction was strong and immediate, but it felt so surreal. we sat on the couch with her for at least an hour after that, and she'd cough every minute or so, but she was breathing just fine and the hives eventually went away, so we put her to bed and just mentioned it the next time we saw her pediatrician. i'm pretty sure they told us to "keep an eye on it" and "just avoid cashews" because no big deal was made out of it.

so we did, we didn't buy any more cashews (j looooves them) and on forms for school/swim lessons/surgery for her ears, i just put "cashews (we think)" in the "allergies?" sections. cashews aren't like peanuts in that they are pretty easy to avoid. but last friday night at a friend's house, f stuck her hand into a bowl of cashews - i was right there and told her to drop the nuts, so she did. and then with the same hand she instead picked up a grape, put it in her mouth, and almost immediately started coughing, gagging, and turning a little red. thinking she was going to throw up, i ran her into the bathroom and our quick-thinking friend ran in with some benadryl for her to take a swig of. she did, and she stopped gagging, and she could breathe just fine, and there weren't any hives on her face this time, and the whole thing was over in about 5 minutes. my heart was racing but it was over so quickly and she was back to normal, so i didn't panic. it helped knowing her pal's dad is an EMT and was right there too.

i knew i should call her pediatrician, thinking "i should probably run all of that by him" because we usually see a different pediatrician these days, and you know, it was kinda scary. i finally had a minute to call him this past wednesday afternoon, and what he said to me blew me away. i described both times she's apparently had a reaction to a cashew (or cashew dust, in the most recent case) and i told him that neither time did it seem like her airway was compromised, and he said "i don't mean to alarm you, but that gagging and coughing? that IS her airway closing."


he asked me, "do you have a pen? write down this number - it is to one of the best allergists in california, and we are lucky to have them in san diego. write it down and call AS SOON AS WE HANG UP." he told me based on what i described to him, his guess is that she has a serious allergy. that she'll probably need an epi-pen. that this is "no joke." so, we have an appointment on the 30th, a two hour appointment that the receptionist said would cost between $600 and $1000. he gave me a bunch of codes to call and run by our insurance provider, gave me instructions about no anti-histamines for 5 days prior to the appointment, told me they will prick her skin UP TO 72 TIMES to test for different allergens. my heart is breaking as i type that. homegirl is going to get whatever barbie she fucking wants AND a hot fudge sundae after that action.

pardon my french, i'm just a little freaked out. fortunately, meeting with the allergist will give us a lot more information and hopefully we'll figure out if there's anything else we need to avoid from here on out. and my friend tammy has a son who is allergic to all kinds of things, so she's already offering awesome insight and support, as is one of my favorite bloggers, punky mama. i know it's going to be fine and we'll figure it out, but it still seems a little surreal. and scary.

Monday, December 6, 2010


f has been so funny lately. sometimes i think about those first few months with her, when i felt so desperate and so crazy, really. i could not even conceive of a time when it wouldn't just be so hard to have a child. i know in retrospect that it was just the shock of having our first baby and the complete lifestyle change that came with it (combined with an insane lack of sleep that went on for months and months... and months) but at the time, i just couldn't wrap my head around how so many moms did it - had kids and still functioned - smiled, even! - in their daily lives. so the fact that f is such a complete and total joy (like, most of the time) now still feels like nothing short of a revelation. i love being a mom in a way that i never could have imagined, in a way that i think maybe no one can imagine, until they are one. and it keeps getting more and more fun with her, like her little personality just keeps emerging and growing and WOW. that girl is a crack up.

she loves to ride in the car with the windows down, and over the weekend began yelling "hola camigo!" at people, out the window. yes, "camigo" with a c. we only let her do it a few times, because i don't want her to get used to the idea of heckling passersby. but "hola camigo!!" had us cracking up. she also now loves the phrase "shake your booty" and thinks it's funny to, well, shake her booty in our general direction. how is a parent supposed to model proper behavior when all i want to do is laugh? ugh. but i'll tell you what. i'll take that dilemma, along with a little booty shaking in my face & confused looks of "camigos" on the street over a sleepless night any day of the week. i can't believe my little camigo is almost four.